deviant art

Deviant Login Shop
 Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
[x]
Download File
HTML, 4.0 KB
more ▶

Featured in Groups:

Details

October 27, 2008
4.0 KB
Thumb

Statistics

Comments: 20
Favourites: 9 [who?]

Views: 311 (0 today)
Downloads: 2 (0 today)
[x]
“Wendy!” Jennifer cried as she ran over to her friend. Wendy looked up at the sound of her friend’s voice, her soft blonde hair bouncing as she turned her head. “Jennifer!” she giggled as she jumped up. Jennifer embraced her friend as they both sat back in the soft grass. “Wendy have you heard about the new girl coming here? I heard she lost her parents in a fire.”  Jennifer said in her soft sad voice. “That’s just terrible. I hope she will be okay. Things like that are hard to get over.”  Wendy replied in her soft bell like voice. Both girls looked at the blue sky above; a soft breeze blew through the lush rose garden that surrounded them. “Girls, Time to come in!” Mr. Hoffman called from the front steps of the orphanage. Jennifer and Wendy jumped up at the sound of the old mans voice. Both girls headed towards the front door of the large old mansion that served as an orphanage. Wendy stopped a few feet away from the door. she doubled over as she began to cough. Jennifer stopped at the sound of her friends coughing. With one foot on the porch she turned to look at Wendy. The girl’s entire body was shaking with every cough, when the coughs finally subsided Wendy looked up at her friend. Jennifer’s amber eyes that mirrored the worry in her own blue eyes. Wendy faintly smiled at her friend. “Jenny I’m okay, just a bad cough.”  Jennifer slowly walked to her friend’s side. “Come on we need to get inside before we get in trouble again.” Jennifer said as she took her friends thin hand. They walked slowly into the main room of the large old mansion, Mr. Hoffman stood beside an older girl with long brown hair that matched her brown pinstripe dress. Eleanor walked out of the parlor carrying her empty bird cage, Meg followed close behind as she scribbled away in her notebook. Amanda stood at the top of the stairs, lipstick smeared across her broad face. Olivia wiped tears off of her face; she stood in front of the dining room doorway her light blonde hair matted to her wet cheeks. “Move cry baby.” Susan said as she pushed Olivia out of her way. Thomas followed close behind, a piece of chalk in his dirty hand. Nicholas and Xavier stepped into the front doorway, both holding wooden swords. “Children, I’d like you to meet our newest addition to the family, Diana.” Mr. Hoffman gestured towards the girl on the stairs. Diana flipped her brown hair as she stood. “Nice to meet all of you,” She said with a cold smile.  “Now kids be nice to her and don’t get into trouble.” Mr. Hoffman, he headed towards the study door. The study door opened and closed with a soft creak of old hinges. The children began to drift back to the other rooms. Only Diana, Olivia, Jennifer and Wendy remained in the main room. “Well kiddies, let’s get one thing straight. I like to be left alone and I don’t think you want to end up like my parents, right?”  Diana said as she turned to face the stairs, she grabbed her bag and began to walk to the upper floor. “You don’t scare me. You’re nothing but a heartless princess who’s used to getting her way.” Wendy challenged as she glared up at Diana. With her hand on the banister Diana turned to look at Wendy. “Maybe I’ll like this dump after all,” she said with a smug smile. Wendy began to smile, Jennifer giggled. Wendy doubled over in pain as she began to cough. “Wendy?”  Jennifer whispered as her friends coughing became more violent. “Mr. Hoffman!”  Olivia cried, she ran down the hall still calling for the old man/ Wendy lurched towards the wall knocking a blue china vase off of a table, as she stumbled towards the dining room. Porcelain shattered, sending crimson roses and water in every direction on the scarred wooden floor.
:iconprisonic-fairytale-9:
yay for another craptastic story :blackrose:
i know i know the title doesn't really make sense at the moment but it will whenver i get another piece of the story up.
this story is based off of the characters in rule of rose and this story gets a tad confusing near the end. :blackrose:
Add a Comment:
 
love 0 0 joy 1 1 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconwhitewoodphantom:
~WhitewoodPhantom Jan 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You have an excellent way of telling stories, and it's great to see some writings based off Rule of Rose. It would make such an excellent novel, I think, so I'm glad to see fanfictions posted concerning it. This is a great beginning, though, I should suggest starting a new paragraph when introducing a different character's words or actions. It makes it easier to read, you know. Other than that, it's wonderful!
Reply
:iconprisonic-fairytale-9:
~prisonic-fairytale-9 Jan 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I wrote that thing when i first started writing a few years ago haha. I haven't bothered to go back and fix it at all.
I'm glad you liked it :hug:
Reply
:iconwhitewoodphantom:
~WhitewoodPhantom Jan 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh, I gotcha. When I started getting into the hobby of writing, I wouldn't even use quotation marks. Gosh, how that drives me up a wall nowadays! lol I also have another suggestion, too, if you ever feel like going and making some edits to the RoR Second Act series. I noticed that you kind of made the scenes go by really quickly. Try to take more time to get the reader used to the feeling of the setting and the character's emotions, but, don't take too much time, that is! I'm sure that after having written for a while you've found a balance that works right for you.
Reply
:iconprisonic-fairytale-9:
~prisonic-fairytale-9 Jan 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
haha yeah. When I first started though I just wanted to get the story over quickly. For some of my newer stuff that works, just with the way I have the story set up but I enjoy taking time to create an actual scene for my stories now. When your a kid it's not as much fun though but those days have since passed.
But thank you for the advice it's always nice to hear something from another writer, whether it is good or bad.
Reply
:iconwhitewoodphantom:
~WhitewoodPhantom Jan 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Well, yes, I know exactly what you mean about just getting your writings out. Sometimes, you just want to publish your stuff in a hurry whether things go by too fast or not. I'm working on my own novel, actually. It's called Blackfire. If you feel like giving me some feedback, I'd really appreciate that! It's in my gallery and has it's own folder, too, of course. Feel free to check it out!
Reply
:iconprisonic-fairytale-9:
~prisonic-fairytale-9 Jan 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm working on a novel as well. It's called Hollow World and I don't have much of it posted on here. I mainly just use DA for my short stories.
Reply
:iconwhitewoodphantom:
~WhitewoodPhantom Jan 16, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh, I see. What is Hollow World about? It sounds pretty interesting from the title.
Reply
:iconprisonic-fairytale-9:
~prisonic-fairytale-9 Jan 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
It's set on a world that is literally in pieces. the main piece is a massive ring made from rock. (It's the hollowed out center of a dead world)Each different piece of land has a different race that occupies it and the main story follows two of the major races that are warring with one another. The Daggerians that live in the hollowed out center and the Astarians that live on a grassy plain. The Daggerians built a massive stone hive in the center of their land that's connected to the rock by chains. They are a race of bat-like humanoids and the Astarians just look basically like elves and are so high strung it's not even funny.

I'm trying to focus on the personal relationships of the royal families and how the war is affecting them and how the war is affecting the other races that inhabit the landscape.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconcrsto20:
I like this story.
Reply
:iconprisonic-fairytale-9:
~prisonic-fairytale-9 Jan 18, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
thanks
Reply
Add a Comment: